Christmas

I was reminded last week that Christmas is less than 90 days away! Y'all I am pumped up for this year. I reflected in January of last year on Christmas for our family. Like many we juggled this gathering, this service, presents for this party etc. Somewhere in the middle I was able to pull it together and really focus on Christmas. I was able to really share with my kiddos what Christmas is. I was determined that this year I wanted that to be my primary focus - so I am going to plan earlier and stress less. I want it to be clear to my children that Christmas is not about the presents, parties, and FUN - but about rejoicing that our Savior was born for US - that is the GIFT of Christmas!

All of that said I have A LOT of work to do - but it will be worth it!

Here I am!

I am here - alive and well! So much busier since school has started back and I got promoted at work to VP! WOW!

So here is a quick rundown:

Oldest (14) Playing 8th grade football and of course thinks he is a "man" now - ugh...hormones! He is wanting to be baptized which I have prayed over for years! Yay GOD!

Princess (5) In kindergarten - loves it and her teacher is a gift for sure! Love her. I am experimenting with discipline techniques - some work - some do not!

Lil Man (2) OH my precious 2 year old is doing great - he has a hard time expressing himself calmly - if you know what I mean! We are working on a discipline plan for him too!

Hubby (!) He is wonderful - I had a NICE free weekend last weekend in which I did a thorough"Fall-Cleaning" I feel so much better about my house now that it is de-cluttered and the summer stuff is stored away! YAY!

Now to me:

I am really starting to get a better routine and I have found a lot of tips from all of you guys! I have involved myself in a new bible study for parents and I love it! We have a great group. Work wise I have been promoted to VP - and it is a challenge but I have enjoyed my new role. I am working hard to balance work and family better. I have been faithful in my prayer time - if you are on my list I am still praying! (if you want on my list just leave a comment and I will add you!) My study time is not so consistent - but I am listening to some great books on CD to and from work.

So there it is for now! I am going to try and update at least 2 times a week - I feel so good letting it out when I write!

Love;

Amy Q

Weekend Happenings

Wow - here we are again - it is Labor Day weekend! Yeah! I am excited to have an extra day off!! We have a lot of things happening around the house. We usually go to the lake - not this year. We are staying put. I have a lot of cleaning to catch up on. I know - we are supposed to rest and relax - well yall if you saw my house you would think that is ALL we do! So I have started a "Fall Fling" schedule which will include some down time. YEAH!

We also have a big time planned as parents of a teenager! He is going to a DNow retreat! He is PUMPED! My husband and I are attending the parent portion of it Sunday.

So other than major cleaning and learning more about parenting a teen - we will be:

Sleeping, grillin, playing in the water, making kiddie messes, watching a movie (tonight with my man) reading books, and doing some NON-LABOR things!

OH - one more thing - I have been working for a week on a letter to my man - about why I love him and what I want for us as a couple, parents, and what I need from him to help me be a better wife to him. Have y'all ever done that before - does it work??

Amy Q

New Things

Oh I am so excited about the new things that are happening for us! We are beginning a new class tonight at church - called WEE STUFF - it is an interactive bible class for parents and children 2-5 years old! We are going to have a BLAST! Also tonight is a BIG rally for our teens who are doing the DNOW retreat this weekend along with a parenting seminar on Sunday. We have

a lot to anticipate. Also, a new thing is that my husband is agreeing to be INVOLVED in these activities! YEAH GOD! He is SO good!

Work may have some changes soon - continue to pray for that.

I am still seeking advice and reading things on discipline and my daughter. UGH that is never-ending but I know it will work out.

So there is the short version - more thoughts to come - I promise!

Amy Q

Reflecting

So here I am. It has been awhile. I have had a lot on my plate. As we all do I know.

I started this blog to reflect on my life, feelings, kids, and journey with my Lord.

It kinda began to consume me. I did not post as much as I wanted to but this blog has led me to others and to seek out information to try and "help" me grow. I have read a lot. I have to take a minute to be honest and raw.

The last few weeks has found me in a dark place. I have harbored a lot of anger. I am disappointed in myself as a wife, mother, friend and most of all as HIS child. I have prayed prayers for others seeking God's blessings for them. I have not been a good prayer warrior for myself or my family.

As a wife:

I have neglected my husband, I have treated him like a child and I have let the little things that annoy me consume my thoughts of him. I have snapped at him, nagged him, and other cruel things. WHY? I love him - I want to honor him. WHY? I think that for the most part I want us to be in a place that we are not. I want him to seek God as I do. I wan t him to quit doing things that are destructive to himself and to our family. He thinks I am moody and that it is no big deal. It is just how he is and I have to accept that. I feel that I don't have to accept it and that he needs to change. (THIS IS WRONG I KNOW)

As a mother: I have struggled more in the last month with my daughter. I cannot get her to listen. She is totally DRAMA and it goes against all that I would have thought for her. She went to my sisters house and was awful. I am struggling with yelling at her. She knows what button to push and BOY does she ever. I also am trying to potty train the youngest one - who only wants to potty on the floor. He has mastered NO to the point of TOTAL frustration on my part. And the oldest - well he has made it known that HE knows it all and we are totally stupid and unfair.

I am not handling all of this well at all. These gifts from God are tearing me up on the inside. I do not like the mother that I am right at this moment. I do not like the screaming, yelling, crying, and drama - THAT I AM DOING. I feel more like one of them than the one in charge.

As a friend:

I have a circle of friends - made up of 5. We have been "sisters" for the last three years. Things that are hurtful have happened. The group has been divided. Angry words have flown in e-mails. I need these ladies - at least I think I do. I have asked the parties involved to pray over it and hopefully we can repair the damage.

As HIS child:

I have not been to worship in weeks. I have not read His word in weeks. I have been faithful to my prayer journal - but as I have said it is for others. I have been angry at our home situation, our finances, my work situation that is not any better, my marriage etc.

All of this to say - Lord I am tired. I feel hopeless and afraid. I need You Lord to work in my heart. Please forgive me lord for falling away. Lord give me wisdom as I face these challenges. Bless my family Lord with your presence and help me to be the example to my husband and children that I need to be to show them You and Your love.

Amen.

In Sickness and Health!

MY OH MY how time flies. A lot has happened in the last week or so. Work is not really any better. I am hopeful for a resolution soon. My youngest has been battling a serious ear infection that has damaged 3/4 of his eardrum so I have been shuffling to specialists, CT scans, and testing. It looks pretty good now we have more concerns with the hole than we do the infection. My husband has been out of town a lot with work too so my blog time has been limited.

I am just in a "funk" right now. I am not on track and I need to get back to me soon!

What steps do you take to re-group and get back to yourself? I have had some bouts with depression, pity, anger, fear and I just want to feel refreshed again. I am so tired too. My son has not slept well and I have spent the last 4 out of six nights without my hubby next too me.

I am focusing on blessings right now. I have more answers about my son's condition than I did on Monday, we will have some extra $$ due to the overtime, and yes I will get caught up on my sleep eventually!

We are going to our family lake cabins this weekend - my aunt is getting married!! Yeah for her! My uncle passed away about 14 years ago leaving her with 3 children to raise. She started college and received her Masters in Bi-Lingual Education this past May! Her youngest will graduate from High School in two years and we are so thrilled that she is marrying again! She has endured many trials and came out on top! She has also lost about 80 pounds over the last 3 years, has on child out of college, one attending Baylor on a full academic scholarship, and her youngest will get his Eagle Scout next year! She is an amazing woman of faith, great mom, and a blessing to all of her family!

So that is about it for now!

I will hopefully post some pictures of the wedding and our cabins Monday!

Sons

Proverbs 29:17 (New International Version)

¹⁷ Discipline your son, and he will give you peace;
he will bring delight to your soul.

My almost 2 year old son is really making me reflect on this verse. He has been more difficult than the other two. My oldest I did not have to discipline at that age but we are going through the teenage years and it is trying in another way.

It is hard to understand exactly what he wants because he only speaks a few words or phrases - but he has "NO" down pat. I am not here to discuss discipline in the general sense - "time-outs, spankings, and taking away privileges" I am talking about what his outbursts do to me.

He gets angry a lot when he does not get his way. Typical I know but it wears me out! I do not like to yell at my kids - I am not perfect and it does happen more than I like to admit. Most of his outbursts come when his sister tries to "mother" him or if he gets into her room and she wants him out. He is very pushy with her as well. Trying to teach him boundaries is not an easy task as well. He thinks that everything is "mine" and that if you have something he wants he will get it one way or another - that may be in the form of a total meltdown fit, hitting, biting, pushing or pinching.

All of this tugs at my heart as to what I should do. I have tried several techniques with no good results. I have tried to work with Abby to try and let him be and that she is not the Mommy.

What disturbs me the most is that I am seeing her react to him in ways that I have before and it makes me ashamed. I guess seeing it happen through her makes me realize I need a new approach.

I do not want them to grow up and realize that I yelled at them constantly or spoke harshly to them. I want them to see me as a loving mother who had rules that were to be followed.

I am at a loss right now as to which direction to go. I will continue to pray over it and hope that my actions will change for the better.

I love them more than I can even describe.

Summer

Well if you did not know Summer will be officially here on Sunday. It already feels like summer to me - and has for several weeks. maybe it is because of the 90 degree weather we have had. OR all of the activities we have done - Water parks, lake trips, swimming, Popsicles, sprinklers and using the AC more! I love summer. I love to be out on the lake soaking up the sun - with my SPF 50 sunblock of course! I love to spend more time outside! I love to watch the kids play late into the evening. It is just a fun time of year for us.

What fun things are you planning for Summer?

Swine Flu Hits K-Town..maybe

So last night we received a text from one of my oldest son's friends - saying "school's out till the 18th"  I told my son that it was probably a joke that K-town was certainly NOT going to close down for two weeks.  Well I was WRONG! 

My neighbor's daughter had a band concert last night and she said that they announced it there.  So being the mom I am I looked online and yes indeed the schools were closing.  What shocked me was the reason WHY.  According to a statement from the district there is "one probable case" 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!  PROBABLE - not confirmed.  

I am a momma of three and yes I am on alert for the signs of this bug.  i am washing their hands more and using a little more cleaning product in the bathroom and kitchen.  I am NOT taking them to school or pre-school sick.  I am even watching who they are around.  We will probably not go to KIDS STUFF (all-play) at church on Wednesday.  We will just go to choir and guppy class an I will go to MOPS.  

Needless to say I was glad to hear that our pre-school was only going to close (for 72 hrs) if there was a direct CONFIRMED case linked to the school.  (Whew) This means that my hubby and I will not have to take 2 weeks off. (We only have 4 days between the 2 of us left) I we had to take off we would lose 6 days of pay and that my friends would hurt this household! We do have an emergency fund - however it would be nice to use that on something NEEDED instead of demanded from this school district.

So I am closing this soapbox now with a side note that the CDC is NOT recommending closing schools.  WHAT? REALLY? SHOCKER!

OK I am done now. 

OH and D- I hope you have fun in Florida - you deserve it.  I am praying for you to have a safe trip.  Isn't it fun to be spontaneous?? Enjoy your 2 weeks off! Now you can blog more.

Amy Q

Girlfriends

Today I went to a Spring Ladies Lunch at the church we have been going to for the last 7 months. OK I admit I was reluctant as this church is BIG for my liking and I know a few people and I confess that even though I like the church I picked it because of my kids - especially my oldest who needed a place to learn and grow in the Lord with kids his age.
I thought it was just lunch and fellowship. I was WRONG! They had a table decorating contest and I must say that there are some crafty folks at our church. The most important part was the speaker. She ministers to ladies about growing together and reaching out to other women. She talked about how much wisdom we have lost due to the fact that younger ladies do not fellowship with older ladies. She discussed the differences between the older generation and the younger generation. How the Internet and the "connections" are technical instead of personable. We have to adjust our styles and how we NEED each other. God instructs us to fellowship with younger and older women. We don't do that like we should. I have a few girlfriends that I know would do anything I ask - but I confess that I let LIFE and JUNK get in the way of that connection. I am going to challenge myself to try and seek out others to help me on my journey as well as others that I may also touch. I pray that you all have a great week! Call your girlfriend!!!

Moving - in your own home?

We finally had the renovations done and we spent a good week just moving around our house. i am SO pleased with the progress even though we have a lot left to do. Lil man loves his new space and princess is glad that she doesn't have to share with her lil brother! (She has even kept her room clean!) And of course my oldest feels like he's 20 now because he has his own bathroom! And I can finally say that I have created a haven for me and hubby to share together in our NEW master suite! I am so thankful that it is done and we are all living in more harmony! Now if the organizing fairy would come and help sort out the junk we uncovered it would be helpful!
Amy Q

Debt

OK, I need serious prayers. A few years ago my husband and i did financial peace. The Dave Ramsey class. I loved it and was SO very excited about it. My husband was a little supportive but felt like we were too far in debt to get out. I manage the money. He sees the budget/bills every week - I don't know if he studies it but he sees it. (I print it out every Friday and give it to him) He has agreed NOT to use the credit cards - I even shredded them. We have had MASSIVE medical bill since we have been married due to the 2 high risk pregnancies, cancer, MRSA, and just having little ones. MOST of the credit card bills were for that. The other debt we have is the "STUPID-TAX" car. We have had it listed for several months on Craiglist with a few offers but we would still have to purchase another car that is bigger - we can barely fit in the one we have! We don't have much in savings and this debt is eating me UP. We OWE $28K in debts not including the house. We have NO wiggle room in the budget, he won't get another job and I have three kids to worry about. If any of you out there have any suggestions PLEASE help. i have worked the budget it seems 100 times and still cannot find the answer. We only bring home about 4K a month and though that sounds like a lot we spend $1035 in debt payments, $900 in house note, and $760 in daycare. I have looked at staying home and if I did I would still have to come up with nearly $1200 extra a month to clear the insurance and other $$ we would need. (higher utilities, food, gas, etc) I currently have a company car to transport them around - another reason the car we have is STUPID! We only use it to go out of town! My salary is more that hubbies base pay but he gets bonus $$ and overtime so his fluxuates to more than mine most pay-periods. I am at a loss. Very frustrated. How can I express to him more that I NEED to be debt free. WE need to be DEBT-FREE!
Amy Q

God is GOOD!

Update on princess - she is going to be fine! Even though the infection LOOKS bad it is actually responding to the medications! YEAH! So we will just keep an eye on it and see.
Meanwhile I had the doc look at lil man's ear to see if the tube was out and he couldn't tell because of fluid build up - meaning EAR infection! I told him I would use drops for a few days first and if it didn't get better I would call him for the antibiotics. (Hate those!)
The inspector failed the remodel AGAIN! The contractor has until the 19th to complete it and then we get into a bunch of legal battles. Pray that this doesn't happen!

So that is all I can write for now!
love;
Amy Q

Bouncing Back

These last few weeks I have been looking at a lot of different changes in my life. I want to do so many things to better myself. I thought I would let you in on some of the progress. I have made a lot of efforts in my study time. I know I have not posted as much as I had intended but I am doing a lot better in the study-prayer time area. I tend to catch a few extra minutes really early in the morning - I have made it my first priority. I do this before I change laundry, do dishes, or even make my coffee. It has helped me in many ways but mostly I am learning more about how God's love is forgiving and that I am really a work in progress. I am feeling better about myself more these days. The second area is my relationship towards my husband. This past weekend we had together without the kiddos. It was great to re-connect with him and show him how much he means to me. I felt really bad when he told me he wished I was that way all of the time but he knew that the kids can get in the way of that "Amy" I told him that I needed to hear that because I do focus A LOT on them and not on him. I asked him to help out more with them and the WE needed to have time to be with each other alone. Even if it is for 15 minutes at the end of the day. He agreed that we needed to work on that. I am happy that we had that discussion among some others.
An update on my physical self - I have lacked in this area even though it is heavy on my heart - literally! I need to figure out how to focus on the weight issues I have. It is very hard!
My home is another area that I have looked at a lot but have not done much with. I have a lot of ideas to make my home an easier place to live - but I have very little time to get those things done!
Work - well my attitude is better I am just discouraged at the markets these days!

I have many things to do and very little time. my goal this week is to write these things down and set specific goals for achieving these things. I will cross off what I complete and CELEBRATE when the overall goal is done.
Any suggestions?
Love;
Amy Q

FREE AT LAST

My sweet friends! After 4 1/2 long years I have finally been declared "Free of Cervical Cancer"!
I sent out an e-mail earlier today and here is what is says:

My sweet friends! You may or may not know that I had the "BIG" tests ran last Thursday to determine if in fact the Cervical Cancer was gone. This was a series of 6 tests that were ran to officially make my cancer status as "FREE" I have waited as patiently as I could and finally Dr. Lux called this morning to confirm that I was indeed Cancer FREE!! I cannot tell you how happy I am. I know that God has had His healing hand in this and can only give Him the credit for placing Dr. Lux and several others in my life to cure this disease. He said that my chances of recurring cancer are very low! I wanted to thank each of you who have been involved in this process and have prayed for me, supported me, hugged me, and just encouraged me.
You are all very special to me and I cannot express in words what I am feeling. Some of you may know that mom and dad are on vacation - I cannot reach them yet - but cannot wait to tell them. The best news is that I do not have to go back for testing until next year!!!!
Again, thank you for all that you have done. I love you all!

This applies to all of my blog friends as well!
Love;
Amy Q

Worries

Prayer request for me:
Pray for my grandmother who is in the hospital with blood clots in her lung
Pray for my parents who are on a cruise this week
Pray for my test results to come back cancer free!
Pray that this week I will focus on God's blessings!

It seems to come in waves. Big ones. You know when my parents leave for vacation they usually say - "oh we have taken care of everything - just keep things together till we get back"
Well they were wrong. Yesterday morning I received a call from my cousin that my grandmother was ill and had a blood clot in her lungs - the problem with that is that my aunt who is an RN and who has primary care of her is on the trip with my parents. Today at work the bottom fell out! Apparently my dad forgot about some important projects he was working on. Not to mention I find out tomorrow (hopefully) if my cancer is back. I will not be able to reach my mom for several days.
I am praying that God will work on my heart and my worries. I know His plan is the only plan for me. I know that He is in control - not me. I know that when I ask He will guide me. I know that I will get through this. I have a loving husband and many "sisters" to lean on. I have three BEAUTIFUL children that adore me and love me like no one else. I know that this is a trial that I must seek joy in.
Isn't it funny how we can KNOW all of this and yet we still worry and stew over things!
I pray peace over all of you and hope that you too can see God's many blessings.

Remembering

Sorry it has been so long. These past few weeks have been a roller coaster!! We had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving and got the shopping done! (Now I have to wrap!)
My parents left for a 10 day cruise the Friday after Thanksgiving. This brings on A LOT of responsibility for me as I become the caretaker to my Granny, the Molly dog, and the company!! Things went well until last Friday when my sister called and told me that the night before she and her family went to visit a friend. This couple were Foster Parents to several children. They had the kids from the time they were weeks old. That evening Baby Ty (8 weeks) passed away from SIDS. This happened while my sister and her family were visiting. It was tragic. Please keep Tracy and Chris in your prayers.
On Monday evening I was summoned to the Hospital to learn that my sales manager had passed away of a heart attach - he was on his way to a customer that afternoon. This has been so traumatic I cannot even begin.
Steve was not only my boss for 8 years he was my friend, teacher and mentor. He was deeply loved by my family. He witnessed my marriage, babies being born, my cancer, my illnesses, and my pain. he was always there to offer his help and his support. I will miss him dearly.

So as I write this i want to encourage you all to think of your loved ones and NEVER forget to say I Love You!

Keep me in your prayers.

Love Amy