Shredding Day 4

UPDATE: 9:00 PM
Shred is Done! So wanting chocolate.....maybe a smoothie instead - Fridays are usually Pizza Noght - but after that lunch I passed it up and drank water - so I am off to make a smoothie!


Well I am proud of myself - I have made my workouts everyday since Tuesday. I am however a little disappointed in myself for not watching what I eat - El Fenix was not a great choice for lunch today - but it was a business lunch - did I care? Nope I ordered that big old Fiesta Burrito and ate a pound of chips and hot sauce - but it was SO good - but I am regretting it already. WHY do I do this to myself? WHY? Do y'all know how hard it is going to be for me tonight to workout with my bloated belly? I deserve it I know.

Well at least I have been good all week - oh wait I was not so good on Wednesday - Mexican food again for work with a customer - had a Taco Salad - WITH QUESO on top - yep that was me!

I guess I need to avoid Mexican Food all together. It seems to be a weakness for me.

Another funny thing has happened - I am craving CHOCOLATE - oodles of it. I like chocolate don't get me wrong - but since this workout thing has been going on I am craving it like CRAZY -I cannot get it out of my head. It is crazy. Oh well I guess I am just weird like that.

On the home front - all is good except for my control issues that I am trying to deal with - I realized just the other day that even though I am embracing this role as a working mom and trying to let the guilt go I cannot let the control go - you know the "house has to be this way, checkbook balanced, bills paid on time by ME, children have to be bathed like this and wear these PJ's, lunches are made like this and put in the fridge the night before - no you cannot put the freezer pack in until morning, the princess cannot wear those boots to school because they do not match her uniform outfit that I have already washed, folded and laid out for tomorrow, the dishes have to be done before bed - yes you must hand-wash that glass before bed or I will never sleep because I know it is there. WHEW - that makes me sound super crazy but I am that way y'all - it is BAD. I know. Scream at me, laugh at me, but this is my blog about looking at me - and unfortunately my reflection is not looking so smoking hot right now. I am searching my heart and trying to come up with a better solution. I have started an e-mail thred on my facebook and my eyes have been totally opened - these sweet sisters of mine have encouraged me and helped me and I found that I am not alone.

OKAY - more on that later. Any thoughts?

now I am hoping I get over the big lunch I ate so that tonight will be productive during my shred!

No Guts No Glory?

Yesterday I had my evaluation at work. I haven't had one in 5 years folks! If you don't already know I work for my family business in sales. My job has changed considerably in the last year due to the loss of my boss last December.
We have not had a great year so far. Its a "tough economic time" for us too. My evaluation was really good - work hard, steps up to the plate, accepts challenges, works well with people, etc. I scored a 4+ out of five on my evaluation that included averaging my co-workers evaluation of me, the presidents evaluation of me (dad) and my evaluation of me. I want to note that my evaluation of myself was slightly lower than anyone else. All was going great. It lasted 2 1/2 hours.
Here is where the guts come in. At the end of all of our evaluations comes the time where you may or may not get a raise. Well it was brought up and I told them that I thought I deserved a raise on my base salary - have not had one since 2003 - things have changed for me a lot since then - 2 babies born, daycare costs up, cost of living increases, medical bills SKY high so I felt a little help there was warranted after all I had a high score and I have worked VERY hard.
My father thought I was OUT OF MY MIND. It got really heated. It was hurtful. It was not good. I do not like confrontation at all. I finally stated that I understood that I am not meeting my quota this year so far - but I have in the past 6 years and I did not think it was right to punish me for this year and note look at the past 6 years. here is what I got -
"Bottom line you are an expense and not making enough $$ to cover your cost (for the whole department) your commission is your raise - you hit that then you will have your raise."
I had the GUTS but there is no Glory in that.
You have to realize that my job is not just sales like the description states. I do a lot more than that. I manage the whole department - run reports, marketing, etc. Stuff my sales manager did when he was alive. I also run the company when they are out on their many vacations. (They are going to Austrailia in November for 26 days!) I take care of little problems that pop up that the other employees don't want to bother them with.
So what does all of this mean? I do not know. I am still stinging from the hurtful words that were said, my head hurts from thinking about it, my heart hurts from it too.
Part of me wants to quit. Part of me wants to just keep moving day by day.
God knows what will happen and all I can do is listen to him and try to make the right decisions daily. That doesn't mean that it is going to be easy to go to work today.