Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hello, Yes I am still here

Hoping you guys are still there!
So much has been going on I am not sure where to start. I have been in quite the funk as of lately. I took a break from writing - only now to find I should have been pouring out more. I find that when I write I feel better with myself and my thoughts.
I am back on an exercise plan of some sorts - I am trying to walk more. I have lost 5 pounds so far in two weeks! This alone has made a difference in my attitude.

Since January I have has one child turn 15, one turn 6, and a 7 year anniversary. My baby will be 3 in 2 weeks. I am amazed to watch them grow - but my heart gets a little sad when I realize they are growing up. Dave starts Drivers Education in a few weeks. Abby completed Kindergarten and Mason is fully potty trained. It seems like yesterday that i was kneeling down vowing to Dave to be his mom as best I could, holding a small baby wrapped in pink, and delivering the most beautiful miracle of a baby boy that I was told may not make it. Time is going by so fast.

Lately I have been facing many fears. Fears I have never had. I am watching my Granny decline in her health. I know that we will loose her before long and I am not ready to face that. As Dave gets older I realize that he will be more in the "real" world - an I am afraid I have not done enough to prepare him. As I watch friends divorce I fear for my own relationship. My husband has taken on a new position at work - which is consuming more of his time. It is so "easy and normal" to just get a divorce these days. I pray that we hold on. I have quit watching the news for the last 2 weeks. It has done wonders for my fears - it seems that when you do watch you are bombarded with horrific stories of murder, abuse, drug use, scandals, etc. A lot of stories involve children. I know it is out there - but being reminded daily was adding fuel to the fire regarding my fears.

All of this slapped me in the face the other day - I had begun to feel overwhelmed with this fear issue when I realized a key factor in all of it - I had not been placing these fears at God's feet. I had not been honest with Him. I had slacked off in my studies.

So today is a new day. Today is yet a new beginning. More to come - be blessed my friends - if you are still there?

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;he delivered me from all my fears.
Psalms 34:4