Friday, October 3, 2008

My Story

I will try to keep this a short as possible, but it covers my life so it might be a little long!
I was raised by my parents outside of Dallas, TX. My mom was(is) a devoted christian and was consistant in making sure that my sister, brother and I were at church as much as possible. We grew up in a loving church with a great youth program. I was baptised in 1989. My dad became a christian a few years before that, which was amazing because for 13 years my mom went to church and instilled chriatian values in her family as he sat by. (I could go on about this for pages, but I will move on..) I graduated high school and went to college with a sports medicine scholarship. I recieved my degree four years later. College was an eye-opening experience. I realized soon after leaving home that the world was FULL of choices. I made good choices and bad choices along the way but I made it through 4 years and ended up with a sports med degree.
I had the worst heart-break ever my senior year at SFA. The man I was planning on marrying decided that all at once he did not love me. And it was over! I was devestated and made even more bad choices after-that. During that time I started to get closer to a friend. He was 8 yrs older and divorced. He and I became the best of friends that last year of school. Then I left and went back home. I knew he was staying there because of his son, and honestly I had to get away from my "ghosts" so I left. It is interesting at how we push love away when we are fearful of it. I am a stubborn person and I refused to believe that he loved me. But he did, he would call and come to Dallas to see his sister and always make sure he took me to dinner. We kept in touch but neither of us wanted to be loved for fear of being hurt. Then God steped in. On February 2, 2002 I was at work and recieved a call from his cell phone, but it was not him. His best friend called me to tell me that he was in a wreck and not expected to make it. I was shocked, I cried, I prayed to God to wait until I could get there to say good-bye. And I went. He was still alive. When I saw him first he was still in a coma. He looked horrible. I cried silently and prayed for healing. The next time I saw him he was in and out of it. I walked in the ICU and held his hand and cried quietly. He opened his eyes and said"Hey there's my sunshine" I laughed and cried. Well, he made it after 21 days. I knew I loved him, I was afraid. He met my parents; they LOVED him. My mom told me I would marry that man. I was still unsure. Then he did it, he told me he loved me and he was coming to Dallas. In January 2003 he moved here and on February 2, 2003 he asked me to be his wife. We aere married May 10, 2008 at my parents church.
I was not happy with my degree. I loved the Sports Med, but DID NOT want to teach high school. At the time of graduation that was pretty much my only option. I could contract out and make little or no money or teach and work with High School children. I was lost. I needed a job to get me by until I made up my mind. I asked my dad if I could work for him for "a little while" He said sure. I started working for him as an assistant to his service coordinator and in collections. It is now 2008, I am still working for him, but as a Sales Representative. I love the work. My husband was asked to join the team in 2004. So it is a family business! The company was started by my grandfather in 1966, my father bought it in 1988. We are an Industrial Scale Company.
We wanted kids "in 2 years" when we got married. Well you cannot tell God what to do. About 1 month after we were married we got a call from my (step)son's mom. I will not go into too much detail, but we recieved custody of my (step)son a few days later. I will never refer to him as my "step-son" again. I am raising him with my husband, his mother is not consistantly involved so therefore I am his "mom" So that being said we had to look for a bigger place. We found a house and moved in September of that year. In October I went to the Dr. with the flu - it turned out to the the 9 month kind!! This was a true miracle because I had been told that we would have to seek fertility treatments to have our own children due to medical issues I had. So we had my daughter June 1st 2004 by emergancy C-Section. She is a Daddy's girl thru and thru. Eight weeks after she was born I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. (Story to come) I went through chemo refused a hystorectomy and was in remission 4 months later. I was told that I would never have children again. In November of 2006 I went to the Dr. for a "post-op" exam (Again more to that later) and was told I again had that 9 month flu. This was the most terrifying day of my life. I had been VERY ill for the previous 6 months, had a lot of drugs during that time and I had MRSA in my blood stream. My OBGYN was not optimistic about the pregnancy. He said we had to run a million tests to see if the baby would make it and if I could withstand the 9 months ahead but I needed to prepare to make the decision on moving on with the baby or terminating. I cried, I prayed, we told NO ONE for weeks. I will never forget the day we went to see the Dr. for our "consult" He looked at me and my husband and said he could not explain it. The tests were perfect, the baby was good, I was good. I said I can explain it "GOD IS GOOD!" My parents and in-laws were scared for me but prayed daily! I had a great 9 months. It was up and down as to whether I could deliver naturally. The Doc said we needed to in order to reduce the chances of MRSA infections. At 42 weeks the day before I was scheduled for a c-section my water broke. We had my baby boy 22 hours later naturally. It was the hardest thing I have physically EVER done, but it was worth it. My mom was there and she cried more than I did! (She had never seen a baby being born - well she had us, but she says that's different!) So there you have it I have a 13 yr old son, a 4 yr old daughter, and a one year old son. We are blessed with these three miracles!!!
HEALTH:I have not been blessed with the greatest health. I am getting better. As you read I am a cervical cancer survivor. (Officially in 1 month) That in itself was a challange. My baby girl was 8 weeks old. I had to do chemo. It wa awful. But God is good. He delivered me and carried me through that time. My husband was in true ARMY form during that time. He cared for me and the baby and worked and helped our son to and from school. I recovered. Life carried on. Then came the MRSA. as you know chemo supresses the immune system SEVERELY. In 2006 I had a STAPH infection. Went to the doc had it removed, took the meds. It came back. This went on 14 times. They sent me to a specialist and I had MRSA. The meds I had taken would not have worked. I was only able to take ONE antibiotic. Then we had my blood cultured and it was there as well. It was a vicious cycle. Then I found out I was going to have a baby. I had nothing but pure FEAR for my unborn child. The MRSA went dormant for the 9 months I was pregnant. After my son was born I was sick ALOT. I was not happy with the constant antibiotics I was getting for all of the illnesses. I was going downhill fast. I went to a ND (Natropath) and was put on a regamin to help repair my immune system. Within weeks I was 100% better. ( I later found out from my Dr I had MONO!) I have changed my diet to organic meats and veggies. I am still working on all of that.
I should have put this first. But it is not, so I guess that explains it. I struggle with God daily. My husband believes, but his heart is hardened. He is stubborn. But, this is about me. I have a strong faith. I believe with all of my heart that God is my Eternal Father and Jesus is my Savior. I struggle with that daily relationship. I struggle with expectations. I struggle with my past. I battle with my addictions. I want to have a strong relationship with Him. I want to clean out the closet of my life and start new. Why am I afraid? Why do I put Him last?
I go to church. I must admit that it has a lot to do with my kids. I want them to know Jesus. It is my job to make sure they know Him. I like our new church a lot. We have been going for a short time, but it feels like home. I am praying that it will meet our needs. I am praying that I will open my heart more to God. Just because I go to church does not mean I have a solid relationship - but it is a step in the right direction.
No excuses here, I have had a long journey, I have failed in my relationship with Christ. But I am not giving up my quest. I will move forward! Today is a new day.
Can anyone relate?
Sorry for the length of this post;

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