Illness

So today I am still battling a severe ear infection! I am so tired and in a lot of pain. I have seen various doctors and we think we are on the right track. I was adamant about not taking antibiotics, but after consulting with the natropath doctor she agreed that we were facing a severe infection. So now I am on my third round of antibiotics, but I am taking my MEGA-herbal medicine to. I cannot tell you what a difference it makes. Usually when I take antibiotics I am run down, tired, sick to my stomach and get secondary infections. Not the case this time! Yes I am tired, but the ear drainage keeps me up a lot. I am glad I found Dr. Dunn and she has helped me. She is not totally against conventional medicine, but likes to hedge illnesses first with herbals. Had I went to her two weeks ago I probably would not be in the shape I am today! So that is my news for now. I have not been a good servant in my study time. I pray that Satan will QUIT influencing me to not study! I find myself making many excuses - "I'm tired, I don't have time, I'll do do it later" I am aware that this is Satan's way of trying to distract me from my God's word! So, now I will go and study!
Love;
Amy

One Month To Live

I have had a few people ask what my Bible Study is about, and the best way to find out is to look at their site.



http://www.onemonthtolive.com/


Love:
Amy Q

Time

So here it is 5 days later...I have followed my study plan since Thursday, but logging on to express my thoughts has been the challenge. So be patient my friends! Our Bible study on 30 days to live is in full swing, and it is an eye opener! This weeks focus is about defining what is truly important to us and what we actually spend time doing. This is a hard one for me because I am trying to enrich my relationship with God and it is VERY important to me that that is being "fed" and watered daily but the time spent is very little. Also, my family is indescribably important, but work, house, "STUFF" gets in the way. How do I balance it all? I guess my heart is right, but the life stuff gets in the way. I will say that the increase in prayer and Bible study has helped me to stay grounded and focused on what I should be doing. I am not so consumed with the "people" problems that arise at work and around me. In the past few months I dreaded going to work because of the division that has occurred. I felt alone, left out, talked about, angry, and hurt. Now I go to work open-minded and positive. I care about everyone at work, but I have to let the issues go.
I have been let down by some friends that I have and it hurts that I try to "GIVE" myself to them with time, ears, hugs, prayers, etc. and get rejected in cruel ways. I just have to pray for them and let God intervine when He sees fit.
I have to learn that I can't "fix" it all, I have to look to God to work through me to reach others.

Verse for today:
Galatians 1:10, “Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” (NLT)

Love;
Amy Q

Running in Circles

Sorry for not posting more, I have been running in circles for the last few days. Unfortunately I have been behind on my study time as well. i will try to get on track tonight. I can say that Satan is trying so hard to distract me from my study time! I am angry about that and ask that you all pray for me to defeat him in his efforts. Another request is for you all to pray for me at work. I find myself hitting a wall and getting really discouraged about my job. I work hard at what i do, but get disappointed a lot.
That is all I have time for right now, I will post again tonight after my study time.

love;
Amy

30 Days

We went to church yesterday and they are doing a "30 days to live" series. I went to bible study for starters and the lesson was about your "dash" You know the dash on your tombstone in between your birth date and the day you die. What will your "dash" be like? This makes me think long and hard about all of the expectations that I have on myself. Are they really that important? Basically the theme was getting your priorities right. God, Family, friends, work, etc. A lot of times the order that we put things gets jumbled up. God has to be first. So the overall question is "what would you do if God said you had 30 days left on Earth?" I cannot begin to try to write this out, but my first thing would be focus on Him in prayer and scripture.

I pray for all of you to put your priorities in order as He would want them. I pray that you all have a great day and week.

Love;
Amy

This Week

So we have been really busy this week. We are getting our house updated so we have had contractors around a lot. The kids always are into something. Dave is in football at Jr. High and that is very consuming, but he is doing really good. We have his report card and it was good! He has a hard time in Math and Texas History, but he passed! Abby passed her letter writing test, she is not very patient with it though! She is trying hard to find her place. It is hard in the middle, I know from experience. Her school is such a good place, but this morning she wanted to go to work instead! (This is rare for her because she loves school!) It hurts my heart to leave her that way, but we have to work to pay our bills. Mason moved to the "big" room and loves it. He slept on his mat at nap time all week. :( My baby is growing too fast! My man is out of town on a job until Sunday, so I will be completely out of it by the time he gets back. We need the $$ though, so I will push through it. I am planning on taking the kiddos to the Dallas Farmers Market Saturday. They will love it and I can stock up on foods I need. We have church on Sunday and I can't wait to go. I love our new church!! Say a little prayer for me. I know many mom's who do it alone, and I respect them dearly!
Love;
Amy

Looking ahead

“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

I came across this and it hit me hard. I am constantly looking at my past and judging myself on those actions. I have been told by many friends that I expect too much from myself. I don't really know why that is. I want good things for my life and for my family. I want to be a good mother, wife and friend. My neighbor and I have talked about this and she has told me more than once that i am doing a good job at all of those things. Why can't I see that myself?
I have thought about this long and hard. I think that because of the things that I perceive as "bad" I overlook the good things. I am a good mother, can I be better? We all can be better. Am I a good wife? My man adores me and loves me, I can always do more things for him to feel good about himself and our marriage - but that is a daily thing that grows. It is not going to be "perfect" all of the time. I am a good friend, I help out, listen, and interact with them. Could I do more, sure I could, but within reason!
Why are we so hard on ourselves? I think I need to look at who I am and little by little work on one aspect that maybe could be better. I am not "bad" at being a mom, wife or friend.
This goes along with my time with God. I think that if I would focus on smaller things to improve I would have larger results!
Any thoughts?
Love;
Amy

Guard me Lord...

“That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.” 2 Timothy 1:12 (NIV)

I read this verse at crosswalk.com. It is amazing how God speaks to us. I have been worried for weeks about our finances. We have good jobs, but our expenses are increasing. I work so hard to get the grocery bill as low as I can, we don't eat out, we take lunches, we don't travel, we don't spend extra. We have a lot of medical bills. I can't pay them right now. Last night I cried to my man about how we will make it, he told me that we "just will", that God provides. (This is not a typical response from him!) I took a deep breath and said "you are right."

I prayed that night for some hope. And this morning I read the above verse. What a statement. I am ashamed that I had doubt. God will guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. I have to ask for Him to guard our finances and our decisions for today. He is good. He will protect me and keep me.

I pray for all of you out there that God will bless your day and will guard what you have entrusted to Him for today. If you have worries or doubts, read that again and pray to God your desires, needs, fears, and doubts. Give it to Him in order that he may guard it.

Love;
Amy

Bless him

Today I reflect over my weekend. It was busy. It was crazy. I am exhausted. In my prayer time this morning I have asked God to bless my husband. Not just the "Bless my husband lord" I really asked God to watch over him, guide him, show him your love. After that prayer I began to look at my heart and I realize now what compelled me to pray that prayer. My husband is not the romantic knight in shining armor. He is different. I never thought I would fall for him. But did I ever. He is my best friend. He knows me. He understands me.
How did I get such a wonderful man? I can only say that God brought us together when we least expected it.
Hubby is a good man. I hope God continues to work on his heart.
Take a minute and pray for your spouse or loved one.

Love;
Amy

"Be Quiet"

"O, Lord I call to you, come quickly to me.."
If you have time read Psalm 141. It is olny 10 verses. Verse 3 says "put aguard on my mouth O lord, keep watch over the door of my lips"
WOW! I am constantly saying to my daughter (4) "Be Quiet!" "We don't talk that way to our friends" " That was not nice" Use nice words!.
In my everyday life I get Overloaded and I find myself not being quiet. I try not to say bad things. But it happens. I need to take my own advice and be quiet.
I need to be quiet with my Lord as well.
As we speak, the TV is on, my hubby is getting ready and the baby is playing.
Not quiet. But I am here reading the Word.
I pray for all of us to call on God to "Guard our lips"
Love to all;
Amy

My Story

I will try to keep this a short as possible, but it covers my life so it might be a little long!
GROWING UP:
I was raised by my parents outside of Dallas, TX. My mom was(is) a devoted christian and was consistant in making sure that my sister, brother and I were at church as much as possible. We grew up in a loving church with a great youth program. I was baptised in 1989. My dad became a christian a few years before that, which was amazing because for 13 years my mom went to church and instilled chriatian values in her family as he sat by. (I could go on about this for pages, but I will move on..) I graduated high school and went to college with a sports medicine scholarship. I recieved my degree four years later. College was an eye-opening experience. I realized soon after leaving home that the world was FULL of choices. I made good choices and bad choices along the way but I made it through 4 years and ended up with a sports med degree.
LOVE
I had the worst heart-break ever my senior year at SFA. The man I was planning on marrying decided that all at once he did not love me. And it was over! I was devestated and made even more bad choices after-that. During that time I started to get closer to a friend. He was 8 yrs older and divorced. He and I became the best of friends that last year of school. Then I left and went back home. I knew he was staying there because of his son, and honestly I had to get away from my "ghosts" so I left. It is interesting at how we push love away when we are fearful of it. I am a stubborn person and I refused to believe that he loved me. But he did, he would call and come to Dallas to see his sister and always make sure he took me to dinner. We kept in touch but neither of us wanted to be loved for fear of being hurt. Then God steped in. On February 2, 2002 I was at work and recieved a call from his cell phone, but it was not him. His best friend called me to tell me that he was in a wreck and not expected to make it. I was shocked, I cried, I prayed to God to wait until I could get there to say good-bye. And I went. He was still alive. When I saw him first he was still in a coma. He looked horrible. I cried silently and prayed for healing. The next time I saw him he was in and out of it. I walked in the ICU and held his hand and cried quietly. He opened his eyes and said"Hey there's my sunshine" I laughed and cried. Well, he made it after 21 days. I knew I loved him, I was afraid. He met my parents; they LOVED him. My mom told me I would marry that man. I was still unsure. Then he did it, he told me he loved me and he was coming to Dallas. In January 2003 he moved here and on February 2, 2003 he asked me to be his wife. We aere married May 10, 2008 at my parents church.
WORK:
I was not happy with my degree. I loved the Sports Med, but DID NOT want to teach high school. At the time of graduation that was pretty much my only option. I could contract out and make little or no money or teach and work with High School children. I was lost. I needed a job to get me by until I made up my mind. I asked my dad if I could work for him for "a little while" He said sure. I started working for him as an assistant to his service coordinator and in collections. It is now 2008, I am still working for him, but as a Sales Representative. I love the work. My husband was asked to join the team in 2004. So it is a family business! The company was started by my grandfather in 1966, my father bought it in 1988. We are an Industrial Scale Company.
KIDS:
We wanted kids "in 2 years" when we got married. Well you cannot tell God what to do. About 1 month after we were married we got a call from my (step)son's mom. I will not go into too much detail, but we recieved custody of my (step)son a few days later. I will never refer to him as my "step-son" again. I am raising him with my husband, his mother is not consistantly involved so therefore I am his "mom" So that being said we had to look for a bigger place. We found a house and moved in September of that year. In October I went to the Dr. with the flu - it turned out to the the 9 month kind!! This was a true miracle because I had been told that we would have to seek fertility treatments to have our own children due to medical issues I had. So we had my daughter June 1st 2004 by emergancy C-Section. She is a Daddy's girl thru and thru. Eight weeks after she was born I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. (Story to come) I went through chemo refused a hystorectomy and was in remission 4 months later. I was told that I would never have children again. In November of 2006 I went to the Dr. for a "post-op" exam (Again more to that later) and was told I again had that 9 month flu. This was the most terrifying day of my life. I had been VERY ill for the previous 6 months, had a lot of drugs during that time and I had MRSA in my blood stream. My OBGYN was not optimistic about the pregnancy. He said we had to run a million tests to see if the baby would make it and if I could withstand the 9 months ahead but I needed to prepare to make the decision on moving on with the baby or terminating. I cried, I prayed, we told NO ONE for weeks. I will never forget the day we went to see the Dr. for our "consult" He looked at me and my husband and said he could not explain it. The tests were perfect, the baby was good, I was good. I said I can explain it "GOD IS GOOD!" My parents and in-laws were scared for me but prayed daily! I had a great 9 months. It was up and down as to whether I could deliver naturally. The Doc said we needed to in order to reduce the chances of MRSA infections. At 42 weeks the day before I was scheduled for a c-section my water broke. We had my baby boy 22 hours later naturally. It was the hardest thing I have physically EVER done, but it was worth it. My mom was there and she cried more than I did! (She had never seen a baby being born - well she had us, but she says that's different!) So there you have it I have a 13 yr old son, a 4 yr old daughter, and a one year old son. We are blessed with these three miracles!!!
HEALTH:I have not been blessed with the greatest health. I am getting better. As you read I am a cervical cancer survivor. (Officially in 1 month) That in itself was a challange. My baby girl was 8 weeks old. I had to do chemo. It wa awful. But God is good. He delivered me and carried me through that time. My husband was in true ARMY form during that time. He cared for me and the baby and worked and helped our son to and from school. I recovered. Life carried on. Then came the MRSA. as you know chemo supresses the immune system SEVERELY. In 2006 I had a STAPH infection. Went to the doc had it removed, took the meds. It came back. This went on 14 times. They sent me to a specialist and I had MRSA. The meds I had taken would not have worked. I was only able to take ONE antibiotic. Then we had my blood cultured and it was there as well. It was a vicious cycle. Then I found out I was going to have a baby. I had nothing but pure FEAR for my unborn child. The MRSA went dormant for the 9 months I was pregnant. After my son was born I was sick ALOT. I was not happy with the constant antibiotics I was getting for all of the illnesses. I was going downhill fast. I went to a ND (Natropath) and was put on a regamin to help repair my immune system. Within weeks I was 100% better. ( I later found out from my Dr I had MONO!) I have changed my diet to organic meats and veggies. I am still working on all of that.
GOD:
I should have put this first. But it is not, so I guess that explains it. I struggle with God daily. My husband believes, but his heart is hardened. He is stubborn. But, this is about me. I have a strong faith. I believe with all of my heart that God is my Eternal Father and Jesus is my Savior. I struggle with that daily relationship. I struggle with expectations. I struggle with my past. I battle with my addictions. I want to have a strong relationship with Him. I want to clean out the closet of my life and start new. Why am I afraid? Why do I put Him last?
I go to church. I must admit that it has a lot to do with my kids. I want them to know Jesus. It is my job to make sure they know Him. I like our new church a lot. We have been going for a short time, but it feels like home. I am praying that it will meet our needs. I am praying that I will open my heart more to God. Just because I go to church does not mean I have a solid relationship - but it is a step in the right direction.
No excuses here, I have had a long journey, I have failed in my relationship with Christ. But I am not giving up my quest. I will move forward! Today is a new day.
Can anyone relate?
Sorry for the length of this post;
Amy

The Begining

I have been on an incredible journey over the last 6 or so years. I have shared with many of my friends that I wanted to start a blog to keep a record of my life, marriage, children and my continued growth with my God. A lot have said "how will you have time!" Well this is my thought, I struggle with finding a quiet time to sit and reflect and seek my God and what better way to do that by making time each day and write down those thoughts in a blog? So here I am world! I am hoping that by doing this I will beable to "look in the mirror" and reflect on my life and where God wants me to go. I have a feeling that each day the reflection will look different. I am looking forward to the comments and the advice from other moms that can relate or have been in my shoes. I plan to start out slow. My goal is every other day. I want to seek the Word and share my thoughts with you all. My next entry will be "My Story"
Have a blessed day;
Amy