Time

Time is so hard to organize - my life is so hectic -

Kids - Dave is 15 and IN HIGH SCHOOL now, Abby is in 1st grade = homework EVERY night - who on Earth remembers having homework in FIRST grade???? And my Mason is in pre-school

Work - CRAZY nuts - with mom and dad being gone more - we are SUPER busy.

Summer - well that is over it seems - but we did get to spend a week for vacation - BEACH, SAN ANTONIO & the lake! It was AMAZING!

Church - I am happy to say we are committed to our church and have become MORE involved on many levels.

Weight - I am heavier now than I have EVER Been - YUCK!

So that sums it up for now - I am hoping to write once a week - on Fridays - we will see...

Blessings!

Amy

Hello, Yes I am still here

Hoping you guys are still there!

So much has been going on I am not sure where to start. I have been in quite the funk as of lately. I took a break from writing - only now to find I should have been pouring out more. I find that when I write I feel better with myself and my thoughts.

I am back on an exercise plan of some sorts - I am trying to walk more. I have lost 5 pounds so far in two weeks! This alone has made a difference in my attitude.

Since January I have has one child turn 15, one turn 6, and a 7 year anniversary. My baby will be 3 in 2 weeks. I am amazed to watch them grow - but my heart gets a little sad when I realize they are growing up. Dave starts Drivers Education in a few weeks. Abby completed Kindergarten and Mason is fully potty trained. It seems like yesterday that i was kneeling down vowing to Dave to be his mom as best I could, holding a small baby wrapped in pink, and delivering the most beautiful miracle of a baby boy that I was told may not make it. Time is going by so fast.

Lately I have been facing many fears. Fears I have never had. I am watching my Granny decline in her health. I know that we will loose her before long and I am not ready to face that. As Dave gets older I realize that he will be more in the "real" world - an I am afraid I have not done enough to prepare him. As I watch friends divorce I fear for my own relationship. My husband has taken on a new position at work - which is consuming more of his time. It is so "easy and normal" to just get a divorce these days. I pray that we hold on. I have quit watching the news for the last 2 weeks. It has done wonders for my fears - it seems that when you do watch you are bombarded with horrific stories of murder, abuse, drug use, scandals, etc. A lot of stories involve children. I know it is out there - but being reminded daily was adding fuel to the fire regarding my fears.

All of this slapped me in the face the other day - I had begun to feel overwhelmed with this fear issue when I realized a key factor in all of it - I had not been placing these fears at God's feet. I had not been honest with Him. I had slacked off in my studies.

So today is a new day. Today is yet a new beginning. More to come - be blessed my friends - if you are still there?

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;he delivered me from all my fears.

Psalms 34:4

Give Me a Break

I am so pumped today! I was able to take yesterday and today off of work! I totally relaxed yesterday - ran some errands, did the laundry, made and awesome dinner - OH and played with my new camera for like 2 hours - downloading and editing pictures - relishing the memories of all of my darlings! BUT -
The best part of these two days is yet to come - I AM GOING AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND! I am so lucky to have some wonderful family and friends that like to get together every so often for a girls weekend - that's right all girls! The premise is scrap booking - now I like to scrapbook BUT I am not very creative and I cannot stand to sit for 14 hours looking at that stuff. I DO however like to go at my own pace and try to complete some pages. I am so excited to be able to have some ME time. I LOVE my darlings and my husband to pieces - I cannot get enough of them - BUT every now and then I get to a point where I say - I NEED A BREAK - please? Usually this happens the week of a planned trip like this. I am so excited to be able to go and be me - not mommy, not the wife - but just me. Is that bad? I try to be me at all times but there is something that happens when you are away from the husband and kids - I like to laugh and giggle and be silly - I like to SLEEP in, cook what I want, eat what I want, take a shower without little hands, voices, or faces peeking in at any moment, wearing flannel PJ's until 10 a.m. (or later) reading a book, but most of all on these weekends I like the time I have to be quiet. To sit on the deck alone with God and reflect, repent, and renew my relationship with HIM. I like that time I have completely alone with HIM.
I am blessed with a family that likes for me to go and do these things - every once and a while. (like twice a year if I am lucky) My kids like mommy more, my husband likes his wife refreshed, and my outlook is much better. I can take this time to reflect on myself and come back ME - the mommy and wife that I like to be.
Do not worry my fellow "Shredders" I have two recruits that are willing to shred with me on this trip - so the challenge is still on! - BUT I do plan to sleep in :) and have some delicious snacks!

So for now I wait on the Maytag man to deliver my new washer and dryer and then I am OFF for 2 DAYS!
Be Blessed!
Amy Q

Man vs. Woman

I am totally ticked off - REALLY!

I have been on this journey for almost a MONTH. I have not been perfect - I have missed a few days - but I have been more determined to loose this weight and feel better. I am actively trying everyday - watching what I eat, drinking the water, not drinking cokes (sodas or pop, or what ever you want to call it) I have cut out sweets. I have been more green with the veggies - something that I do not enjoy. I have exercised more in the last month than I have in YEARS. And I am proud to say I am doing good - I have lost some weight and some inches, I feel better. You would think I would be singing from the mountaintops!

ENTER IN MY MAN - the love of my life, the knight in shining armor that I adore. He has supported me from day one - he is my cheerleader. He is the hider of Reece's Pieces.

About a week ago give or take he told me he too was going to loose a little. I was excited but knowing my man as I do I knew to let him do his thing. And he did. He went to the scale and showed me his weight - as I did when I began. We noted it and I let it be. I am going to be brutal here - as I stepped back and watched I felt CERTAIN he was not going to be very successful. He was eating the same, not exercising and from the looks of things I knew that he needed an intervention. So last night I talked to him - I asked him what his plan was for attacking the weight - here is his response:

"well I quit drinking cokes for the most part - only one at lunch. - OH and I cut down the sweets. that is about it"

My response:

"well have you lost anything?"

My Man:

"yeah about 10 pounds"

Me:

"WHATEVER - there is no way in... - GET ON THE SCALE!"

And he was right. 10 POUNDS - then he just had to say it - "no big deal but I do need some new jeans"

WHAT! *%#@*$

Okay so you get the picture. I wanted to roll up in a ball with a big ole tub of rocky road and cry.

He knew I was upset. He later held me tight and told me it is a man thing - and that he knew it was harder for me. And he held me tight while I cried. He told me to keep it up - that he loved me and that he supported me still. That he wanted us to both be healthy and that a week from now I would probably win because I am stubborn like that.

I love him - but it is still not FAIR!

Tonight it is ON! Jillian better be ready for me!

The verdict is in...

I am loving the shred even more today! I have lost a total of 5 pounds and 8 inches overall! I can fit into a size 12 from a 14! YAHOO! I am more focused as I see that I am making progress ; however I am a little tired of Jillian - I know some of y'all LOVE her - I just don't. We clash, I get angry with her, I even tune her out sometimes. BUT - I love her workout! I am seeing the results. I will post pictures when I can figure out a better mirror/space to do so! I am hoping all of you are keeping up to - IT is hard sometimes. I have missed a few days - but man do I feel it when I pick it back up! SO - I have figured it out - it is better to get that 20 minutes in instead of skipping - or you will pay for it! So I will continue on - but I might mix it up a bit with some BL DVD's - just to give me a break from Jillian. :)

Need more motivation?

My blog friend Jackie is having a giveaway - go check her out and enter to win - you will not be disappointed!

So I did it - well almost all of it> I did 15 minutes and then I had to stop - I just could not get into it. I was furious with myself - so after a little rest I did the remaining five minutes! YAY! I am so ready for bed now - we are trying to get lil guy to sleep in his OWN bed. It is a battle. It is difficult because I am so attached to my baby boy - but I feel like him sleeping with us is part of my fatigue amongst other things. So off to his bed he goes - and an hour and a half later he is still in his bed :) I am very happy about that - so now I am off to snuggle with my man!

Body vs. Heart and Mind

OK - here is to being honest - I have sucked at working out the last week - started out shaky and tanked at the end. I have MANY excuses. Tired, sick kids, work, travel with work, husband out of town, tired, not motivated, just don't have time, oh and tired.

I feel guilty when I do not work out - "OH I can catch up tomorrow" I say. That is my mind talking. Meanwhile my body is not shrinking magically. My body is telling me to MOVE IT to LOOSE IT! My heart is telling me that I MUST do this - I am TIRED of being fat. I AM FAT. There is no fluffy talk - I am not big boned, or chubby, or pretty in the face - I AM FAT - overweight by a good 40-50 pounds.

My mind has many excuses running around, my body is screaming at me to loose it and my heart is telling me that now is the time to change.

How do you balance that?

I gained a pound last week. I am not happy about it - but what did I expect?

SO here it is - I have to choose TODAY to make my life changes. I have to choose TODAY to make it a PRIORITY to work out - like brushing my teeth and loving my kiddos. IT has to happen TODAY - not tomorrow or next Monday - TODAY!

If you have been in this place please direct my mind to get that CRAP outta my head! (The excuses)

OKAY - I have an appointment with Jillian at 5:30 today - anyone else?

Letter to The bag of Reece's

Dear Reece's Peanut Butter Cups:
I know you are there - I can hear you. I know that my sweet husband thought he was being sly by trying to hide you. I know where you are at. You are on the second shelf in a bowl that he thought I would not need. I found you. You are not welcome here. I love you deeply but I cannot continue our relationship at this time. Yes, you are a great comfort - especially when I mix you with ice cream. Yes, you bring me joy when I am sad. But along with comfort and joy you add more to me than I would like and I am tired of shredding you away day by day. I cannot go on like this.
Please quit calling me - I will not answer. Please let me go. I ask all of this with the most love. We will meet again one day when I do not rely on you so much. So until then - keep quiet up there in the bowl on the second shelf. You will be moving soon I am sure of it!
Sincerely;
Amy Q

Shredding - Day??

I have been "off" from shredding - I have a sick little one that requires a lot of attention and time and NO sleep. We are on the mend now - mommy had a solid 5 hours of sleep and now I am ready to get back up and start again. That happens - it is OKAY. I am going to start day 9 and move forward. I am going to work harder, I am going to eat better, I am going to keep my head up and shred this weight off! I am going to reach out to those who are struggling, I am going to praise those who are leading the way.

MOST OF ALL I AM THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOU!

Amy Q

Shredding Day SEVEN!

WOW - one week! I was able to get day seven in this morning! I can say I am ready for the next phase - but I will wait it out 3 more days! I am feeling good! I had a great weekend with the family - not to let y'all down but I rarely blog on the weekend - we are very busy and I try to treasure all moments with the family - so we "un-plug" most of the weekend. I am working HARD this week on the food and cravings. I feel that combining the exercise and the diet I will get better results.

ON a brighter note I feel better in my jeans! WOO WOO!

Keep on motivating me - I rely on you girls to spur me on!

Shredding Day 4

UPDATE: 9:00 PM
Shred is Done! So wanting chocolate.....maybe a smoothie instead - Fridays are usually Pizza Noght - but after that lunch I passed it up and drank water - so I am off to make a smoothie!


Well I am proud of myself - I have made my workouts everyday since Tuesday. I am however a little disappointed in myself for not watching what I eat - El Fenix was not a great choice for lunch today - but it was a business lunch - did I care? Nope I ordered that big old Fiesta Burrito and ate a pound of chips and hot sauce - but it was SO good - but I am regretting it already. WHY do I do this to myself? WHY? Do y'all know how hard it is going to be for me tonight to workout with my bloated belly? I deserve it I know.

Well at least I have been good all week - oh wait I was not so good on Wednesday - Mexican food again for work with a customer - had a Taco Salad - WITH QUESO on top - yep that was me!

I guess I need to avoid Mexican Food all together. It seems to be a weakness for me.

Another funny thing has happened - I am craving CHOCOLATE - oodles of it. I like chocolate don't get me wrong - but since this workout thing has been going on I am craving it like CRAZY -I cannot get it out of my head. It is crazy. Oh well I guess I am just weird like that.

On the home front - all is good except for my control issues that I am trying to deal with - I realized just the other day that even though I am embracing this role as a working mom and trying to let the guilt go I cannot let the control go - you know the "house has to be this way, checkbook balanced, bills paid on time by ME, children have to be bathed like this and wear these PJ's, lunches are made like this and put in the fridge the night before - no you cannot put the freezer pack in until morning, the princess cannot wear those boots to school because they do not match her uniform outfit that I have already washed, folded and laid out for tomorrow, the dishes have to be done before bed - yes you must hand-wash that glass before bed or I will never sleep because I know it is there. WHEW - that makes me sound super crazy but I am that way y'all - it is BAD. I know. Scream at me, laugh at me, but this is my blog about looking at me - and unfortunately my reflection is not looking so smoking hot right now. I am searching my heart and trying to come up with a better solution. I have started an e-mail thred on my facebook and my eyes have been totally opened - these sweet sisters of mine have encouraged me and helped me and I found that I am not alone.

OKAY - more on that later. Any thoughts?

now I am hoping I get over the big lunch I ate so that tonight will be productive during my shred!

Shred Day 3 Picture

Sorry this is an AWFUL picture but it is what I have.

Here are my stats:

WT: 168

HT: 5"3

Good luck Girls!

Shredding and Working

I started working out HARD today! WOO WOO! I am super excited - I have a trip to Florida planned late February - and I want to look great - and feel great! I am excited about my new workout and hope it works - watching what I eat too.

On another topic - I am looking for more support from working mom's - I so look up to stay at home mom's and envy the time they get with their kiddos. I have worked for nearly 10 years now and I have come to realize that this is the path that God wants for me - I need to make the best of it and try to figure out how to get my act together. The guilt is doing me no good. I am going to use this as an opportunity to minister to others.

What makes your working life/home-life/mommy life work?

Amy

New Goals

So I have decided to make some goals here today - BEFORE NEW YEARS! HA! Imagine that. I have stumbled upon a lovely blog that the author is doing the shred - you know the 30 DayKillYourselfthatIDoNotKNOWHOWIWILLSURVIVE workout? Jillian Michael's hosts it - I am going to post all of the details here tomorrow -AFTER I take some pictures. YES I am going to take photos and track the progress. It will be ugly I know - It will NOT be fun - BUT I am determined to get back ME!

Here is the blog I was talking about: http://stepsof-faith.blogspot.com/

Anyone out there wanna join me??

COOL Giveaway

MckMama is giving away a HP Touch Computer - Check it out! http://mckgiveaways.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-giveaway.html

You can get up to 3 entries! It is totally cool - would LOVE to have one!

Time Flies

Oh MY! I cannot believe how long it has been. I have thought a lot about what to post - I have been on a journey of my own. I cannot begin to describe all of the things going on right now - but this I know is true - God is near - He hold me up - He surrounds me. I will overcome all that is in my way. I will climb these mountains with His help. Most of this is self-inflicted. I have come to realize the many faults I have. I have come to realize that I am not perfect and cannot continue trying to "be" perfect or look perfect. I do not have a perfect house, marriage, children, job, family, body, or relationship with God. I am guilty of putting Him aside until I need Him. making Him convenient. I am guilty of sin. I have been in denial about my daughter - she is strong-willed and I have let her control me - I gotta get that under control. I am guilty of letting things go unsaid in my marriage - he has NO idea. I am guilty of trying to "be" something I am not.

So here it is - I have a lot of work to do. I have to continue to draw near to Him to overcome.

Christmas

I was reminded last week that Christmas is less than 90 days away! Y'all I am pumped up for this year. I reflected in January of last year on Christmas for our family. Like many we juggled this gathering, this service, presents for this party etc. Somewhere in the middle I was able to pull it together and really focus on Christmas. I was able to really share with my kiddos what Christmas is. I was determined that this year I wanted that to be my primary focus - so I am going to plan earlier and stress less. I want it to be clear to my children that Christmas is not about the presents, parties, and FUN - but about rejoicing that our Savior was born for US - that is the GIFT of Christmas!

All of that said I have A LOT of work to do - but it will be worth it!

Here I am!

I am here - alive and well! So much busier since school has started back and I got promoted at work to VP! WOW!

So here is a quick rundown:

Oldest (14) Playing 8th grade football and of course thinks he is a "man" now - ugh...hormones! He is wanting to be baptized which I have prayed over for years! Yay GOD!

Princess (5) In kindergarten - loves it and her teacher is a gift for sure! Love her. I am experimenting with discipline techniques - some work - some do not!

Lil Man (2) OH my precious 2 year old is doing great - he has a hard time expressing himself calmly - if you know what I mean! We are working on a discipline plan for him too!

Hubby (!) He is wonderful - I had a NICE free weekend last weekend in which I did a thorough"Fall-Cleaning" I feel so much better about my house now that it is de-cluttered and the summer stuff is stored away! YAY!

Now to me:

I am really starting to get a better routine and I have found a lot of tips from all of you guys! I have involved myself in a new bible study for parents and I love it! We have a great group. Work wise I have been promoted to VP - and it is a challenge but I have enjoyed my new role. I am working hard to balance work and family better. I have been faithful in my prayer time - if you are on my list I am still praying! (if you want on my list just leave a comment and I will add you!) My study time is not so consistent - but I am listening to some great books on CD to and from work.

So there it is for now! I am going to try and update at least 2 times a week - I feel so good letting it out when I write!

Love;

Amy Q

Where have you been...

I have been very sick this week..I am better today but need more time to rest and heal.

more to come...

Weekend Happenings

Wow - here we are again - it is Labor Day weekend! Yeah! I am excited to have an extra day off!! We have a lot of things happening around the house. We usually go to the lake - not this year. We are staying put. I have a lot of cleaning to catch up on. I know - we are supposed to rest and relax - well yall if you saw my house you would think that is ALL we do! So I have started a "Fall Fling" schedule which will include some down time. YEAH!

We also have a big time planned as parents of a teenager! He is going to a DNow retreat! He is PUMPED! My husband and I are attending the parent portion of it Sunday.

So other than major cleaning and learning more about parenting a teen - we will be:

Sleeping, grillin, playing in the water, making kiddie messes, watching a movie (tonight with my man) reading books, and doing some NON-LABOR things!

OH - one more thing - I have been working for a week on a letter to my man - about why I love him and what I want for us as a couple, parents, and what I need from him to help me be a better wife to him. Have y'all ever done that before - does it work??

Amy Q